A Mission Of Growth

   I took my first hairline selfie. What was happening to my hair? Why can I suddenly see my scalp? I’m only 35! Then the panic set in and I was in shock. Experiencing first hand the effects of hair loss, I realized my purpose: to share with women how to feel beautiful and regain some confidence.

   My whole life I was insecure, just like a lot of girls. We are taught that beauty is important and I believed it. I did, however, have one feature I really loved about myself. It was my hair. My hair was Pocahontas beautiful. It was long, thick and strong. So if you can imagine the physical and emotional trauma that came with my new loss, it was painful. My hair was my safety blanket and when I lost my safety blanket I also lost my confidence and essentially my armor. After a hard year of self reflection I still struggle with the fact that my hair may never be the same, but now I know it's not the end of the world and in fact I am very blessed to love the hair I have. 

   Now, I have learned to take care of my hair so that I can help it grow healthy and strong again. I would like to share my story with you now in hopes that I can help others like myself see that they are not alone. Hair loss is real and quite frankly it sucks! 

 

Let me go back a few years…

 

   After I had my first child in late 2017 I started having some, what were to me, strange feelings and behaviors. Everything was exaggerated ten times! The first thing I noticed was that I would sweat a lot, so much that I stopped wearing makeup. There was just no point. Sweat dripped off my nose, I was burning up and I brushed it off as postnatal hormones. I remember telling my mom about it and she said I was in menopause. She is so sweet, isn't she? Shortly after that, I started to notice that my anxiety and irritability had gotten worse, worse than ever before which was strange because I had never been happier and more confident. I started staying home a lot, but no one noticed because I just had a baby and it's normal to stay to yourself for a while. Like I said, life was good. Baby and I went for walks all the time, It was our quiet time. Because I was walking so much and nursing my son, I didn't think anything of my weight loss. I thought I was doing a good job even though I was eating a lot of Mexican food and donuts. I dropped 60 pounds in 6 months. It seemed to be glorious. Until the inevitable happened. 

   The strangest things were happening, but what? I had no clue. My heart would race all day, I would be in a dead sleep at night and too fatigued to get out of bed in the morning. Panic attacks, mood swings from screaming to crying for no reason at all, and the cherry was that I was shaking like a bartender on New Years. At this point I didn’t know what was going on. I called my doctor's office and they couldn't see me for three months. I ended up taking myself to urgent care and got zero answers. The doctor on shift told me that I was experiencing a systematic flu. He unfortunately was not interested in helping me. I went home with no answers thinking I’m just crazy. A few days following the urgent care visit I was going about my day as usual. I put my baby in his stroller and we walked off to the grocery store. When we got to the store everything was going as usual. I turned the corner at the first register to walk down a row to start shopping and suddenly our normal day went dark. The room started moving as though it was growing longer, I got very dizzy, and made my way to a chair at the front of the store. Then I passed out. I woke moments later and immediately called my husband to come pick us up to drive us home. The next morning I looked into the mirror and my right eye was bulging out as though half my face was surprised. At this point, my husband had had enough. He called my doctor’s office and demanded they find me an appointment. What a surprise. They gave us an appointment for the very next day. 

   I went into the office and had a cuff reading of 155/98 which puts me into hypertension. They drew my blood then prescribed me generic xanax and high blood pressure medication. Later the next day I got a call. It was my test results, so simple too. It was my thyroid, a condition called Graves Disease. “REALLY!” I shouted! That's it?? I was brushed off by more than one doctor and it was as simple as short term medication for thyroid regulation, a few follow ups, and diet. But by this time it was too late. My body had been in flight mode for months. The damage was done.     

   Early 2021 I got the itch to color my hair for the first time in almost a decade. I did my due diligence in research and booked the Hair Stylist that knew what she was doing. She was more than ideal in customer service and skill. She carefully bleached and lightened my hair in three sessions. I was happy for a month or two, but then noticed a little breakage. This surprised me because my hair was always so strong. The slight breakage kept happening slowly throughout the time span of about 6 months. My hair was getting weaker.

   In late 2021 I got sick and it was a doozy. It lasted for two weeks and it took me another week to feel like myself. But something wasn't right. My Graves Disease symptoms were flaring up after years of feeling good. I had anxiety again, and as lady luck would have it, hair loss... LOTS of hair loss. I started to worry, which of course isn't good for hair loss. The more I worried the more hair I lost, but how could I not worry? I don't know how to describe the amount of hair I lost each day, but it was more than I'd ever seen before. Not only was my hair getting thinner, it was also getting shorter. I didn't even know that could happen. Like I mentioned before, because my hair was getting weak, the bleached hair was breaking off. My hair loss train was moving fast and I didnt know what to do. I researched and saw numerous specialists and doctors. I tried a lot of products that are “made of magic” and are supposed to miraculously bring back the hair you lost, but not surprisingly, the magic isn't real.

   Feeling down, looking for support and advice, I called my girlfriend. I remember meeting her for the first time, and I am embarrassed to say that I was scared of her. She appeared to be so cool. She had worked there for years before I got there, and everybody loved her. I was the new hostess at the pub and she was a veteran bartender. We didn't talk much at first because we had separate shifts. She had the good hours of course and I worked weekend nights. I loved working at this pub and I still miss it at times. Anyway, an opportunity came up for me to fill a spot for a weekday bartender and of course I took it. It was kind of a dream come true. This is when I learned that she wasn't scary at all but hands down the nicest friend I have come to know. The reason I called her is because she has been going through her war with cancer. And as a result has lost her hair twice. I needed to know where the poise came from. How are you so calm and confident? I wanted her to tell me it would all be okay. She didn't tell me it would all be okay but she told me how she coped with her hair loss and empathized with mine. She helped me to see that I am more than my hair. I gained so much from her and I am so thankful to have an amazing support system. Something I think everyone should have.  

   After months of chasing an answer, my hair was more than half gone and still falling out. Now all I had left to try was acceptance. This was it. My hair has been forever changed and it's that simple. "okay... so now what?". It was time to say goodbye to what was once the most beautiful hair and say hello to the new version of what I think beautiful hair is. So I did it. I cut my hair one night in the guest bathroom. 11 inches, gone. Now it was time to figure out how to protect the hair I had and do everything I could to naturally regrow it. I’ve learned a lot on this journey and I have made some changes in my daily routine that, for me, have proven to be helpful. Now I can’t wait to share my favorite coping tools, tips and tricks with you, so that you can find hope as well.

   What once was scary, even debilitating, has now morphed into this opportunity to share my story amidst all the busyness of life. Hopefully, I can help a few others on the way.